Alex Browning (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rockymountaindie) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
balance_rpg2019-10-26 08:21 pm
rockymountaindie) wrote in balance_rpg2019-10-26 08:21 pm
un: jdenvH8r82 | video + text
[ Time for a lesson. Did you know that the Bracers can access some videos? There's like...a knockoff Netflix. Probably ask Lucas or Ms. Zarves about it. The point is, that exists, and the network can access it!
Fun, huh? ]
[ ...So that happened and it's almost all that happened, but a bit of text accompanies it, like: ]
By the way I think I accidentally started a death cult in Lyrabar, please don't freak out this time I swear I have it handled and am not crazy
[ ...Yeah that's it that's the post. ]
Fun, huh? ]
[ ...So that happened and it's almost all that happened, but a bit of text accompanies it, like: ]
By the way I think I accidentally started a death cult in Lyrabar, please don't freak out this time I swear I have it handled and am not crazy
[ ...Yeah that's it that's the post. ]
no subject
You went around asking people about the afterlife and somehow they became convinced that you had all the answers?
no subject
I told you
It's nothing to get excited over
no subject
[He's resorted to talking to you!!! Clearly he is very bored!!!]
You should have just told them what you told me. It's such a boring answer, I'm sure they would have lost all interest in the subject of death.
no subject
Also FYI you're the one who's contacted me four out of five times so you know
On that note, I've apparently told you a lot of things about death since you can't stop talking to me about it so care to clarify?
[ Alright are we doing this here, again, does he have to do this in public. ]
no subject
Probably he should just stop responding to prove a point. Or would that just prove a different but related point? He can't let Alex win a conversation, he thinks, ignoring the several times when Alex basically has already done that. It's fine. Selective memory is a good and valid way to handle things.]
As someone who's died at least once you should have plenty to say about it. From what I understand, most people are afraid of death because they don't know what it's like to die. Yet you're still afraid of it. I want to know why.
[No time to self-examine why he's so invested in trying to understand Alex. Only time to Be Weird on a Public Network.]
no subject
...He's not sure how comfortable he is, that he understands that. ]
Because it sucks
People are afraid of it because they don't know?
I'm afraid of it because I DO know
It's cold and dark and painful and isolating, and in my case it's been violent and hateful as all hell
But you can't just tell that to people who're delusional
If someone really truly believes something, it's going to take a lot more than words to convince them
Or at least it's going to take a lot more than one conversation
no subject
[That's... Is that good advice, from Ogata? Weird.
Anyway, as far as death goes... that's a little more than Alex told him last time. And it just makes the thought he'd had then all the more true. So he decides to actually bring it up.]
You know... The way you describe death sounds a lot like war. Maybe that's why it makes so many men lose their minds. They're staring into the abyss and don't know it.
[Is Ogata including himself in this? It is impossible to know.]
no subject
Or, well. This. ]
Maybe I'm off my rocker then
Maybe we both are
[ Because, if Ogata isn't going to say it, Alex sure is! ]
no subject
Though he supposes seeing whole entire people that aren't there is probably "crazy." But that's hardly the only problem he has. No, he's always had something wrong with him, hasn't he. It's all father's fault. Not that there's anything he can do about it now.]
You do a lot of irrational things, that's true. Maybe dying made you crazy.
[A pause, before;]
But sometimes there are people who weren't supposed to be born in the first place. They don't come out right. That's nothing to do with war or death or anything like that.
no subject
I would've been crazy before dying
[ That's how everyone saw him, after all. It was a miracle his parents hadn't gotten him committed- but maybe that would've been in his best interests. Only if Clear had gone with him, though. Leaving her out in the world to fend for herself--
Well, he'd already done that, hadn't he? And look just how well that turned out.
He's glad he's on text. Alex never wants to be vulnerable in front of Ogata again. ]
Something wrong with a person doesn't mean they weren't supposed to be born
If you're born, you're born and that's it
No fate about it
Whether you've got no arm or can't hear or see things that aren't there
I understand what you mean
Sometimes people are just crazy
Sometimes all the fucked up shit in the world makes that worse
no subject
For some reason, Ogata finally switches over to text;]
That’s not what I meant.
Not exactly, at least. Your order is wrong.
I’m saying I think if a child is born to parents that didn’t want them then they’re going to be lacking something important. Something’s wrong with them because they shouldn’t have been born.
After that it doesn’t really matter what the rest of the world does to them.
no subject
That's...interesting.
It's interesting, and at the same time terrifying, because Alex feels like he knows more now. ]
It doesn't matter
I mean it does matter that their parents don't want them but it doesn't make them less
It doesn't mean they can't find that love their dad or mom won't give them somewhere else
It's awful
But that's not on the child
[ Horribly, Alex wonders if-- But if that's the case, then in whatever way, he's something in common with--
Terrifying, suddenly, quite terrifying. ]
no subject
Very nice. Completely, laughably idealistic and untrue, as far as Ogata is concerned.]
You know, it’s impressive that someone of your young age has the entire world figured out already. Perhaps that was why you inspired all those cultists. People love a prodigy, after all.
[This all delivered with a heavy, dry sarcasm. It’s definitely not suspicious that he switches back to voice when he changes the topic of conversation, what are you talking about.]
no subject
Something deeply personal?
And now this...a deflection? Looking at this with cold hard facts- a misdirect?
Alex doesn't send a response for a good long few minutes. ]
I never said I had the world figured out
This is just how I see things
Does that bother you?
no subject
[A soft, annoyed sort of huff. As far as being bothered... that’s a good question. Is he really sure himself what the situation is? It’s definitely bothering him on some level. The question is why, because if the reason is something that gives Alex some sort of advantage, he can’t admit to it.]
Nothing you say about how you think the world works lines up with how I’ve experienced it. I don’t think it’s strange for me to find that annoying.
[That’s.... almost an answer?]
no subject
Pot meet kettle
[ It's easy to say that, to shoot back that retort. Easy, because it's true, but he can't...find anything to retort. It's not like he's seen the world in a bright light. It's not like his glimpse into how the world (his world) works inspired anything but fear and paranoia--
But wait. No, it did. It did- ]
It's not as simple as thinking the world works this way
I've seen awful shit
But I've also seen people preserve and rise above it
I meant what I said when I told you I'm not some rosy eyed asshole thinking everything's going to work out
I just think the world's a shit enough place without us trying to make it even more shit and if we start thinking nothing we do matters, why the hell are we even living?
So in that way, YOU'RE pretty annoying to me too
no subject
He realizes he's jealous of Alex.
And he hates that.]
Out of spite, mostly. [He knows it was a rhetorical question, but he's answering it anyway.]
Most people I've met would prefer a world without me in it, so if I'm going to stay alive for anything it's to make them miserable.
no subject
How he survived could be called spite, too. In a way. ]
You know why that is, don't you?
Because you do things like shoot people in the head
[ ...Mn. ]
I still wouldn't want you to die over it so
Who knows, according to you I probably am crazy
no subject
[Probably that's some slang term, not Ogata admitting he's half cat. But it's unclear.]
As far as you being crazy... I don't know anyone else who's died, so it's hard to say. I know two men who by all rights should be dead. One's insane, though I think that's because he's now missing part of his brain. The other...
[He's thought about Sugimoto every now and then, the past few months. The idea of The Immortal Sugimoto having been finally defeated by something so absurdly all-powerful. Somehow it feels disappointing.]
He's like Will, a bit. Seems perfectly nice on the surface but there's so much darkness and anger underneath... like some sort of wild beast.
[This is said with a tone of almost... fondness? Interest?? Something weird.]
I don't know if he was like that before people started calling him "Immortal," though.
You're not like either of them, so maybe you're not crazy at all. Maybe you're just stupid. Intuitive, but stupid.
[Was that a compliment wedged in there?]
no subject
Alex sighs and takes it one step at a time. ]
1. I'm talking about people who you're supposed to be on the same side as stupid
Which your personality ties into, being the kind of person who would shoot someone in the head who you're supposed to be allies with
Can't say anything to the rest of that but you know, it might be a factor, if I wasn't your first
2. We have incredibly different ways of looking at Will
But I'm not about to barge into that whole thing again
3. That your way of saying I was right?